Up until then, my sex life had been defined by the question “What’s wrong with me? I was diagnosed with endometriosis, vulvodynia, and vaginismus – aka Vagina Problems.The diagnosis means a lot of things for my reproductive organs, but the main takeaway is that my genitals are often in a lot of pain – inside and out – and especially when penetrated.In fact, by the time I was diagnosed, I recoiled even when a man flirtatiously touched my arm or complimented me in a suggestive way.
My doctors told me I could have a sexual experience in other ways.
But I never bothered to ask them how that would work when I flinched at the mere touch of a man.
And as I tested the waters for spilling the big secret, I became more and more anxious. “Basically, I have a condition that prevents me from having any sort of sex, and I’m still learning how to deal with it.
It’s hard to explain.” “I’m really sorry, but I don’t think I can do this,” he said. Since my diagnosis, I suddenly had a lot of baggage, and I was finding it difficult to carry. Writing this now, it seems ridiculous to assume that no one would love me because of something out of my control.
I was supposed to be at the restaurant in thirty minutes.